Category Archives: trance

Let’s Misbehave.

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The march towards liberation started three months ago. And the universe brought me back to the place where I first knew what passion was. Awakening, it is all about timing.

I went back in time, to Paris. Spirit soared. Love the vibes of the city, light and yet soulful. I took many walks, I hungered for her scent and her lumière.

There I found the inspiration to communicate and to connect. In a deeper way that is. Neither through captions on Instagram, nor via emoji-ranting on Facebook. I am motivated to write, for those of you who are reading this right now.

Some friends told me that my last post “The Art of (Not) Giving Up” was painfully moving. I am glad my words did something for you. The thing is, what one takes away from a piece of confession actually depends on your perspective in approaching the piece. The objective of said blog entry was to motivate people, who like me, found themselves involuntarily stuck in a moment. However it received some unfavourable feedback from certain quarters of my life, who felt I should be more discerning of what I air on my blog, even if it was a personal one.

I guess that was why I have not able to pen my thoughts since, for I was unsure of what might or might not be acceptable, anymore.

We all have our own battles to fight.

But today I’ll say, let us end the inner-struggle. For once in your life, let us go where the heart leads us. We face enough external conflicts everyday. Why then do we still want to fight with ourselves. It is simply not natural.

Don’t tell me what to do. I am tired of following rules. This is my blog. Hear me roar.


She sent me a poem she saw engraved on a park bench, an extrait from Gaston Miron’s La Marche À L’amour:
je marche à toi, je titube à toi, je meurs de toi
lentement je m’affale de tout mon long dans l’âme
je marche à toi, je titube à toi, je bois
à la gourde vide du sens de la vie
je n’attends pas à demain je t’attends
je n’attends pas la fin du monde je t’attends

Love, it is a grand experiment. One that lights up your heart in delight. One that aches your soul with longing. This is the art of waiting.

Choose pleasure, not hurt.

Make love, not hate.

Do not wait for tomorrow, wait for me.

Wait, and hope.

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Martini Monday

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Today is #SpeakMyMind Day. Tired of being meek and quiet Asian woman. Today I shall be brave enough to say what’s on my mind.

Cathartic just writing it. In a way, the women tale of woe is rather similar to anyone of you who have ever felt this level of exasperation working in a society with double standards. A woman cannot be unattractive, or old, or too smart (for her own good). How many times have you been advised to “play dumb”? When you are angry it must be that time of the month hence you are cranky. If you unfortunately hold some power, you are likely to have slept with someone or killed someone to get there “corporate bitch”. You will be interviewed for your work, but the headlines will most probably read “She Has Broken Up With Boyfriend” “She Is Still #Single” “She Is Single Hence A #Lesbian“. This is amusing until it is not. Ok it is still #funny. I am still grateful I was born female.

But don’t you mess with mama. I am running a business not running for Top 10 Most Popular Award.

Don’t be mad, be prepared.

 

 

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Peace and War.

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This picture was snapped 9 years ago summer school in Salamanca. The importance of education, Spanish, making friends from all over the globe and annoying authorities (see Professor’s face). Te echo de menos mis amigas. Even more so now when the adult working world I am in is rather disappointing. Nothing in school prepared me for the. type. of. people. I. face. in. the. course. of. work. Maybe on top of Maths and Science, we should make Philosophy a mandatory course of study. And everyone should learn 2 or more foreign languages. People should have a chance to study or live or work overseas for a considerable period of time in our life. It should be drilled into our brain that being kind is more important than being wealthy. And extending an olive branch is more gracious than screaming at each other. Everyone should read War and Peace. I am not any better. I don’t like myself either when I am in Singapore. That is the truth. I should not blame the city. I should ask myself why instead. My team looks up to me. They watch my every step and so I have to do the right thing. A good leader has to be a bigger person and look at the forest instead of focusing on a tree. So I can’t get mad. I can’t get even either. I just have to pray that each email I read will not break my morale further. Sometimes a good bottle of red wine help. Sometimes looking up from my laptop at the seaview in front of me helps. Sometimes taking a long hot shower helps. Whatever works. 

I hope WordPress auto deletes post like this after 24hrs like Snapchat. Everyone always feels much better after 24hrs.

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Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These.

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My sleep, like everyone else’s, is often occupied by not one but a montage of dreams. Last night I had a few random ones and as part of my self-inflicted therapy, I decided to write it down for the first time and see if they make any sense.

  1. Obama spoke to me “be kind, be useful”.
  2. I saw a musical starring my favourite comedian Julia Louis-Dreyfus and after the show I queued up for an autograph and she obliged. Her co-star gave me his number and invited me to call him.
  3. A doctor paid me nightly visits at home because I was ill. I did not feel sick at all. But he was awfully young and good-looking.
  4. I offered someone an olive-branch.
  5. I was supposed to meet someone really important and I did not have my make up on, and I felt doomed.

Oh well….maybe I am over thinking this. Dreams are remnants of the millions of insane thoughts in our head, and so I was told.

 

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Agree To Disagree

Where are the voices of intelligent dissent? We should learn to convey our differences in opinions in a calm and collected manner. I enjoy the beauty of a well-articulated debate, of intellect and fact. Unless it is life-and death, I think everyone should chill. Find your own life priorities and cling on to it.

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Lost And Found.

Some songs haunt you. Because it is attached to a certain memory, that vividly replays in the mind. The sort that makes you shiver in longing.

We can’t turn back time. It’s over it’s over.

Look ahead. Life, is gut-wrenching. And will take your breath away. Love, with all your guts and soul. I learned that being vulnerable can lead to heart-rending and intense sensations.

“I was like a satellite spinning away
Almost lost forever and leaving no trace
Floating through the darkest reaches of space”–Unstoppable.

Some connections, you can’t explain.

We gave our best, all 35 performances of The LKY Musical. We said a good goodbye. But I have been waking up with a heartache. The past six weeks or so I lived on love. You kept me going. I embrace this pain with no regrets. You know what this is? This is the sound of a heart breaking. This is love. I will miss you, I already do. I will miss the stage. I belong there.

Yours Choo-ly.

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The way we loved.

In the last four years and four months, since I returned to Singapore, I braved one of the most demanding period of my (almost) 40 years of existence.

You are resilient you put on layers of armour, but one can never be too prepared for a stormy ride, such as this. And I was right, I loved and I fell. I gave my all and I fell. I fell over and over again.

Such is the story of our lives, I am pretty sure we are going through more or less the same uncontrollable adventures. I certainly have enough dose of self-pity. The thing about reflection in writing is that deep inside, I long for hope again.

The way I ache for the first kiss, the first touch, when souls connect.

At the end of the day, nothing makes sense, except what we stand for and the way we loved. C’est tout.

I know I am a weak leading lady, well, even in my own life story. But I tried. And thank you for letting me try. I will try and try again. I would rather do that than hide in my closet forever. Definitely much safer in there, no? But what do I have left in my memories, when I turn to ashes and dusts. Rien.

Chasing the dream, day and night.

I had a brilliant time. Ride of my life. And I am grateful, as always, to the many people whom I have had the opportunity to cross paths with and to learn from. I love you all so much.

I have taken the blows, so now let me recover my confidence. No judgement.

Let people wonder, let them laugh let them frown.

Why try to change me now?

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Filed under alone, Life, Read, Thots, trance