Reveries of the solitary walker.

Rousseau.

You have given me immense hope again.

I read you and I am alive again.

“Everything is finished for me on earth. People can no longer do good or evil to me here. I have nothing more to hope for or to fear in this world; and here I am, tranquil at the bottom of the abyss, a poor unfortunate mortal, but unperturbed, like God himself”.

Certainly these are words of profound pain and intense resignation, yet at the same time, one feels a tremendous sense of peace that gnaws incessantly at one’s heart.

OH NO NO NO. How could I ever return to being who I used to be? I don’t think I even like her anymore. Sorry Sharon, I no longer feel for you the same way I did. I might even have come to despise you, even if it is only a tinge, but I am on the edge, and I fear I will not like what I see, should I see you in this new light. Please forgive me, although I strongly insist that I do not need to apologise for the way I want to live the rest of my life, wretched as it might be, it is still mine to behold. There is no turning back. You will be murdering my soul if you force me to.

And I will hate you, for a very long time.

But your friends. That’s another story altogether.

YOu almost missed your EXAM today if Hyelin has not called and screamed into the earpiece “SHAROOOOOOON

WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

PAK HYELIN my dearest korean classmate:I LOVE YOU

YOU TOTALLY SAVED MY LIFE.

Ok your whole academic record would have been ruined if you had stupidly missed this paper STOP GETTING LOST IN YOUR BOOKS I know you are very proud of your mugging but could you please take note of the time too??????

So anyway, 3 more essays, 4 more papers to go.

Goodluck you stupid stupid stupid STUPID GAL.

AND SHUT UP. As Carlos told you to. Are you happy now Carlos?

Still I wanna thank you for all the consoling messages. I am still hurt, angry, disappointed, lost faith..whatever..It is useless wasting one more second on it anymore.

Case not closed but my heart is shut.

YOU!!! I hope you know how much grief you are causing my family. I will never ever understand why. How do you sleep at night?

~ by negi on July 17, 2008.

Posted in Read, alone, crazy

12 Responses to “Reveries of the solitary walker.”

  1. Hello negi xue jie
    Ganbatte kudasai! Hopefully whoever is causing grief to your family will go away soon. Good luck for your remaining papers and essays. You have all our support. =)
    miao xuemei

    miaomiao said this on July 17, 2008 at 6:10 pm

  2. CARLOS READS THIS??! ahem.
    exams… bah. tienes otraz tres essays??!

    et said this on July 17, 2008 at 8:32 pm

  3. it’s tough to stay happy all the time, but i still wish you well and hope u are happy most of the time.

    Sophia said this on July 18, 2008 at 7:31 am

  4. i think carlos must have thought something was wrong..the whole class probabaly felt it too. he ruined his final class for himself..stupid.

    that would be the jean jacques rousseau wouldn’t it?? the popular democracy guy. i cramed that in on tues night.

    u know what, just be who you want to be. what right has anyone got to tell you to be someone you aren’t anyway? the real you is very much missed….

    enfee said this on July 18, 2008 at 10:15 am

  5. and et, i think that was a rhetorical question ;p

    enfee said this on July 18, 2008 at 10:16 am

  6. Sharon, good luck for your exam!
    加油！ 加油！ 加油！
    Happy Always :D

    Emerline Koh said this on July 18, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  7. i am addicted to this song by Sung Si Kyung. http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=amKfI2-Zivk&feature=related
    “Farewell Once Again”.

    Ok 1 more essay to go and 4 more papers.

    Examinations are tough but much much much easier than dealing with people.

    Right now I am dreaming of sunflowers, Tuscan sun, and of course you my dearest.

    26 more days. You don’t remember right? JE SAIS, TU NE RAPPELES PAS DU TOUT.

    negi said this on July 18, 2008 at 6:24 pm

  8. i am here wondering what you’re going through…

    Suzy said this on July 19, 2008 at 6:47 am

  9. I LOVE YOU SUNG SI KYUNG!!

    negi said this on July 19, 2008 at 7:44 pm

  10. I love you!!!!!

    negi said this on July 19, 2008 at 9:50 pm

  11. Hi there Sharon.

    If you are reading this message, could you please tell me which mono did you extract that above passage from?

    Rousseau’s words are absolutely stunning. I love to read that book myself.

    Many thanks.

    Francis.

    francis said this on August 1, 2008 at 10:44 pm

  12. francis
    ..the passage is from his book Reveries of the Solitary Walker..do read it. It is one of my favourite..

    negi said this on August 6, 2008 at 1:01 am

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