Choked.

I have so much to say. But no one to say it to. As I sit alone in the living room, dying to talk about tonight.
Yet I know this moment will pass, as we move on to other episodes of our existence, with the dawn of each brand new day.
But tonight, I really want to talk about today.
Yes, no one is here for me.

Fate,
you must be having a ball.

I will be fine tomorrow. Once the TGV arrives in Lyon.
Where all is calm, all is stable,
and love is waiting for me.
But for now, I am choked.
Choked by Paris.
Choked by the memories I have of this city.
Choked by affections, longing, and deep regrets.

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.“
–Kahlil Gibran

Oh one day, I will drown in my own intolerable silence.

closure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPTOY8FrvNw

Old friends,
Old friends
Sat on their park bench
Like bookends.
A newspaper blown though the grass
Falls on the round toes
Of the high shoes
Of the old friends.

Old friends,
Winter companions,
The old men
Lost in their overcoats,
Waiting for the sunset.
The sounds of the city,
Sifting through trees,
Settle like dust
On the shoulders
Of the old friends.

Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years
Silently sharing the same fears

So,

I was not dreaming..

Thank you for the memories.

Mais tu n’es pas là..

ET SI JE RÊVE TANT PIS….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCdvDzC5Lws

Heard Camélia Jordana’s rendition of this song on Nouvelle Star and now I’m hooked.

Oui,
“but you are not here you are not here you are not here..”
How many times have one murmured this to oneself?
On a solitary voyage..in the still of the night.
Mais tu n’es pas là…
my mum, the father I’ve not seen for a decade or more,
my surrogate family à Tokyo,
the friends who share my laughter,
the heart of my life, YOU YOU YOU.
the island I’ve fallen deeply in love with..
Oh how I love Venice
and Paris.
Europe,
you break me with your beauty.

Hélas..
Distance and Time.
2 fundamentals of communication.

QUAND TU T’EN VAS
je dors plus la nuit.

*I don’t take myself very seriously. But it does not mean you can be disrespectful.
I expect a certain level of politesse in emails.
I am not your friend or the same Sharon Au who tolerates subtle attacks of insinuation.
You are so yesterday.
And I have moved on. Clearly.
Je m’en fiche.*

田野辺さんへ、

ユキ！！元気かい？？
今京都にいるですね。。いいなあ。。
この９ヶ月間色々な事があったんですよね。
私は時々気が短くて、感情の起伏が激しくて、ユキが大変我慢してくれて、
ありがとうというより、ごめんなさいね！
今度また早稲田で縁を続けます。

ご両親によろしくお伝えてください！！！
お母さんは私に送っていただいてお土産をまだ大切にしていますわ！
愛しのチヒロちゃんも元気？
ところで、イヌちゃんはもう大丈夫？

今週末ユキはAdrienに会えて良かった！私の代わりに彼にキースしてあげて！！
ジロはユキに会いたいって！

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I MISS YOU AMILUS et YUKI!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye Amilus Chou.

I miss you already..

其實真的很遺憾，我們聊天的機會不夠。
怪我只顧著功課要不就是拍拖，跟女生在一起的時間少之又少。
朋友常說我重色輕友，真的沒有錯。

在所有留學生當中我確實覺得你最了解我。
有時候我話沒說到盡，你卻已經明白我的意思。

你知道嗎，很多時候我一個人在房間里悶得發慌，
好寂寞，誰都不想見，只想找你傾訴。
可是卻不敢去吵你。
怕邪魔。。

很好笑。
我們比這里的日本人還更日本！
在這認識的日本人很多時候一點遠慮都沒有，嚇死人！
反而我們這唯一兩個外人卻處處怕麻煩別人！

沒機會好好的告別。
昨晚因為看不到你一個人在J的家一直哭！
你要保重。
我一定會去倫敦找你和姐姐！

等我！！

Could someone teach me how to say NO?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnwZoIHrfAY

When I need to calm down.
This is my elixir.

no no no NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
PLEASE  go away.

It is useless screaming AT your blog you stupid turkey,
learn to say NO to:
bureaucratic bêtes, shallow imbéciles, ignorant fous, selfish sots.

Do something you stupid fool and stop getting bullied and being taken advantage of
your whole freaking life
WOMAN!

Instead I screamed at an innocent person who was just trying his best to love me.
I’m so sorry I screamed at you J.
I am so sorry I stormed around Ikea and threw boxes at you.(OK just one box and one magazine..)

I am a monster.
And you just stood there loving me.
Je suis vraiment désolée mon coeur..
Tu ne m’en voudras pas?

1D

1W

1L

ENHUI turns 21!!!

When we first met…April 2007 à Tokyo …Placement test 早稲田で！

May 2008  モンジャヤキ on the boat…

December 2008 à Lyon…Brasserie Georges!!
(I still feel awful leaving you alone in Lyon in my prison-cell-room).

お誕生日おめでとう！！！

いつも助けてくれて、応援してくれて、食べさせて、

ありがとう。。

知り合ってからもう２年経った！

文句がいっぱいこと、(過度に)感情に訴えること、私は逆に子供っぽいだな。。

そんなに年上なのに。

You have never once judged me, (except initially when you must have thought I was yet another bimbo actress haha),
even though you are one of the most critical friend I know, (I secretly think you have french blood in you..).
You have never laughed at my silly relationship upheavals and over the top dramatic tears.
Maybe you did laugh, yes you laughed with me.
But you don’t mock me.

Who says one can’t find true friends once one has grown older?
My historical-dinosaur-age-old buddies (see Daniel) will tell you life is terrible with Sharon or simply Sharon is terrible.
But I guess you already know that.

I have very few friends I could call my own, but those few I have..
you guys..
are the crème de la crème.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

MANY MANY MANY MORE MEMORIES WE WILL SHARE!!!

All’s well..ye say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUwTdqPkluY

and all is necessary..

–Voltaire.

This song tears one’s souls apart.
One feels the grief of time passing, fond regrets, lovers’ goodbyes and legacy of pain and loss.

Mais..
“demain il fera jour”..

EXAMS!
5 more papers to go!!!
YOU GO WOMAN!!

後記＞
私たちの考えには大きな距離があるので、もういいや、確かに戻りたくなくなる。
ごめん、軽蔑にも値しない、まるで違う世界の人間のように、もう合わないから。
おまえは唯物論者で、そのうえ、何で失礼なんだ。
嫌い。
それぞれの道に従ってください。

One Night Only.

22 avril.
Le spectacle de la danse!!!!

It was unforgettable mes chers camarades de danse!
What an adrenalin rush-18 chorégraphies-quick change-KICK ASS-night!

Yes the audience loved us.
Oh and how I laughed.
Can’t remember the last time I rocked the stage but yes I had a blast.

Et,
merci beaucoup à tous..décidément c’est le meilleur souvenir de ma vie à Lyon 3.

Thank you everyone for cheering us on!
Amilus, Yuki, Naoko, Nanami, Yuri, Yoann, Elisa, je suis touchée que vous soyez venus!!!

♥ J, ta presence m’a encouragé tellement!
J’ai toujours le sourire aux lèvres grâce à toi..=)
Je me suis éclatée!!!!

KISSES to all!!

tant que nous avons la foi.

” Trauma always leaves a scar.

It follows you home, it changes our lives.

Trauma messes everybody up… but maybe that’s the point.

All the pain all the fear all the crap..

maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward,

is what pushes us.

Maybe we have to get a little messed-up

before we can step up.”

—grey’s anatomy.

お二人！！４ヶ月記念日おめでとう！！

I wanna be your bridesmaid votre demoiselle d’honneur!!!

Adrienはいつも美人たちに囲まれてるね！

Au revoir, Adrien.

Bon chance et aussi bon courage à Tokyo.

Tant que nous avons la foi..on se reverra un jour.

un sinistre pressentiment

“C’était l’heure

où le chagrin s’ouvre quelque part,

comme un pétunia,

pour l’insomnie”

–Léon-Paul Fargue

Je ne le désire plus…Elle n’a point de l’âme et son peuple est moche et ignorant.

Je ne veux plus l’agent la renommée ni ta reconnaissance. Je vous demande juste simplement de me donner la tranquillité  de l’esprit. Ne pénétrez jamais s’il vous plaît dans l’ intimité de moi.

J’écris pour les gens généreux qui aiment la vie, qui ont un coeur ouvert aux idées neuves, et qui m’aiment. Pas pour que vous pouvez discuter ou bavader sur ma vie. C’est dégueulasse. Désolée mais je ne le supporte PAS DU TOUT.

Chacun son goût.

Vivez votre propre vie s’il vous plaît.

NE OUBLIE PAS QUE CHACUN MÉRITE D’ÊTRE RESPECTÉ.

La courtoisie de base. C’est tout.